My son's were born today and my worst nightmares now have a physical presence.
Two perfect children with veins of dark bitterness surrounding their innocent eyes.
Two of my dream demons as my dearest wish...
Already I feel their hate in the ebb around them, but their mother, my wife, bless her unknowing instincts is already in their sway.She is the most complete human that i ever met, perhaps one of the few who know who they truly are. But for all her strengths she is still human and my love can not make the blind see.
I try not to cry in her presence because it hurts her so, but she could never understand..
Her and my flesh are the embodiment of that which torments me, demons from my mind made real.She let me name them and from that day Burr and Thorn have always been in my head.
Their incessant crying, the looks of pain when i touch them, and the facade of love for their mother.
How did I create this?
She is perfect, am i so flawed? what is the meaning? am I imagining it? Am I that close to the white that my imagination and reality are one? I hold Chloe and tell her that they are flawless, that she could do no better. But the cold lie chills my heart. As I think through the reasons even my suit shivers.
Love , anger and pain overwhelm me. So I walk.
In the rain no-one knows my tears, and I am alone...
My thoughts turn and answers burn then fade.
The air around me chills and I shiver, but strangely I am not cold?..
Perhaps the stress has made me ill?
I look up to find my bearings and I don't know where I am.
The rain turns harsh and the waves of water sting my eyes, but as always my mind is occupied by my sons. I think I hate them.
People are watching me and they know, they know of the abominations that are my get.
They are always there these 'watchers' sneering at my life, pointing out my mistakes, laughing at my life. I ignored them at first but now, like my sons, they are the only constant in my life. That and my crying.I weep for myself, for my race, for teeth and for Slayer.
One day......
One day.....
I love you Chloe..
And in a way Burr and thorn too...
they are constant..
I am not.
Comments to Dan.
Sometimes, I think, I think too much...